Category: Mostly Crap

The Dark

Alternate Title: Silent Hill in Wales IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0411267/ Starring: Sean Bean and the mom from History of Violence Review: As we all know Sean Bean’s JOB is to die in movies. UNLESS he doesn’t. I can only name 2 off the top of my head where he live through to the end and it’s…

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Perkins’ 14

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1230211/ Starring: The lead singer of The Misfits from 1997 and 2001. Yes really. No not Danzig, the other guy. I haven’t heard of anyone else in the cast. Review: I’m so tired of zombie movies. And in many ways, THIS is not a zombie movie. It is a zombie movie in all…

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Blood Angels

Alternate Title: Thralls (in fact this is the title that runs in the opening credits) IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0404496/ Starring: Lorenzo Lamas (I know, I didn’t believe it, either), Leah Cairns, Siri Baruc Review: Lorenzo Lamas is a Full Vampire named Mr. Jones who has a bevy of beauties trapped in the White Room style attic…

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Apollo 18

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1772240/ Starring: Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins Review in a nutshell: Yet another “startling revelations thanks to found footage” type film that, yet again, wants you to believe that actors who are known for their recurring roles in film and television are in fact not instantly recognizable and are – dun dun…

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V/H/S/2

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2450186/ Starring: People, various and sundry, some better known as directors or “Misc Cast & Crew” of other films. Sometimes even the segments they star in! And speaking of directors, the men who brought us “The Blair Witch Project” and cinema tour-de-force “Hobo with a Shotgun” are responsible for two segments. But for…

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The Tattooist

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0817228/ Starring: Jason Behr and a bunch of people from New Zealand Review in a nutshell: I don’t know if this movie is culturally sensitive or not and I don’t care. And the body modification community doesn’t have to worry about this movie putting weird stereotypes in people’s heads. (And not because no…

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The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2332831/ Starring: Vanessa Redgrave’s voice. Seriously. She narrated this movie. Review in a nutshell: The Nothing stars in a movie inspired by Eleanor Rigby. OK, maybe not… How’s this, a guy inherits a house full of Weeping Angels and The Nothing saves him from them. hmmm, not that either. Maybe this? This movie…

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Intruders

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1634121/ Starring: Clive Owen Review in a nutshell: My opinion of this movie is mixed, but it mostly lands in a great big pile of crap. It’s your typical suppressed memory ghost story except that the ghost is attacking his killer’s child because… reasons. See, while the daughter is climbing a tree she…

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The Eternal

Alternate Title: Trance or The Eternal Kiss of the Mummy IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0158011/ Starring: Christopher Walken (no, really), Rachel O’Rourke, Jared Harris, Allison Elliott Review in a nutshell: Thousand year old Peat-bog mummy turns out to be dead ringer (ha! I didn’t make that one up) for a living woman with massive family problems and…

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Man of Steel

DISCLAIMER: I left this movie early because the 15 year old I mentor was so bored she started nodding off and asked to leave. I didn’t make her ask twice. I have found spoilers that have confirmed that I missed nothing of importance. IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770828/ Starring: A 50/50 split of people who can and…

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