Evil Aliens

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383353/

Starring: Emily Booth, Jamie Honeybourne, Sam Butler

Review: Sensationalist “paranormal investigator” Michelle “Foxy” Fox and her crew go on site to a remote Welsh Island. They stage numerous alien hoaxes, hoping to capitalize on the alien abduction story of a local farm girl (who is miraculously super pregnant only a week after her abduction). Real aliens show up. The Welsh version of the Camp Crystal Lake Massacre ensues.

So, within the first five minutes of the film, we have a severely graphic bare-assed-anal-reaming of a man, and the cgi-splatter FX blood that goes with it. Note that I said reaming. I did not say probing. The film does not really improve after this point, but it does play up to a lot of genre-based in-jokes and shows that it is at least a little savvy of the fact that it’s a bad horror movie.

The best part of the film, honestly, is the constant Wales/England antagonism that goes on between the film crew and the abductee’s three older brothers. Frequent exclamations of “Fucking Wales!” and “England?! *spit*” are made throughout the film, and it’s more than a little chuckle-worthy when it turns out that the guttural, screaming, barely-more-than-hillbilly brothers are actually all rather proficient with modern farming techniques.

For a film with as much sexual content as is in this one, the fact that there are only a few bits of actual nudity (the afore-mentioned hairy dudebutt, for one) is kind of surprising. What nudity there is (other than dudebutt) is of the prosthetic alien breast kind. Everything else is covered in strategic black straps on the implantation table.

Yeah. There’s that, too.

After slogging through about a hundred genre-savvy moments and references, the film does eventually end. And, as always, it’s the one you didn’t think would make it who does.

The movie wants to be played for laughs, and a lot of it is funny. I guess it would be funnier if you were, say, from the UK so that more of the jokes were aimed your way.

Where I found it: Netflix, of course. But it’s only on disk. Yeah, you have to work for this one, kids.

How much I paid for it: I wanted to come up with something creative for this bit, here, but it’s been a long day and the movie was just really bad. In any case, it’s 93 minutes of gore-camp-thing.

Points of interest: If you really want I suppose you could play a decapitation drinking game on this film. If you really wanted.

Oh! And Norman Lovett plays the semi-sleazy production manager at the start of the film.

The Money Shot: At first I was going to say it was the “I will rip off your arm and beat you with it” moments that proliferate through the film. But, on reflection, it’s got to be the “Brand New Key” moment. It’s just… Well, I guess you have to see it. Just know that “combine harvester” maps to “pair of roller skates” nicely.

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