The Blood Harvest

IMDB link:

Starring: Some parkour guy.

Review: Like 50% of this movie gets the coveted “Not crap” rating. Maybe even 75%. The rest is bringing it down to “kinda crap”. Because seriously, they had my full attention. I was impressed that they went with acting over special effects for most of the film. Probably out of budget concerns BUT still, I thought that the performances were really good from everyone.

HOWEVER, skinny jeans on a slasher killer are just silly. Put ’em on a pretentious vampire or wizard – no issues. But a killer that is so messed up he speaks in grunts and growls? No. Every time I could see the guy’s legs I was distracted by the twigs he was using to walk around on. A killer who looks like a stiff breeze will snap his legs in half is totally NOT menacing at all. The rest of him – fine. The jeans were killing me.

Crazy ass steampunk helmet / soup can gas masks?  I have no problem with those.

Then we get to the big reveal. You see the title, you think vampires. For most of the movie you’re thinking vampires. The script hints at it being something else and I was thinking ok, maybe some more obscure mythological creature or something unique for the movie…. Nope.


Where I found it: Amazon Prime

How much I paid for it: An hour and a half

Points of interest: The blooper reel during the credits are pretty enjoyable. Although the parkour joke is probably funnier if you know who that dude is.

Also, one of the characters in this movie wears a skull welding mask like the one in John Dies at the End. I guess those are a thing?

My Favorite Line: Suck on that you alien vampire fuck.

The Money Shot: You have not lived until you’ve seen a vampire dance underneath a corpse with a reusable straw* stuck in the eye socket.. it was like a dog that is impatient for a cookie.

*Sustainability was sure to have downsides.

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