The Eternal

Alternate Title: Trance or The Eternal Kiss of the Mummy

IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0158011/

Starring: Christopher Walken (no, really), Rachel O’Rourke, Jared Harris, Allison Elliott

Review in a nutshell: Thousand year old Peat-bog mummy turns out to be dead ringer (ha! I didn’t make that one up) for a living woman with massive family problems and repressed memories. Hilarity ensues.

Before I go any further, I need to warn you that this movie is slow. It is slow and it is quiet. This is not a push you to the edge of your seat style horror film. This is a slow-burn horror film. And it’s not even very horror. It’s like… It’s like someone left the vault open and all of those weird, British, super-slow creeper movies that were supposed to get into the back of your brain and make you all spooked and on-edge due to their psychological impact and questions about what it means to be human had some kind of mad lust orgy and this is their baby. It’s like the story of how Freddy Kreuger was conceived, only less plausible.

Anyway, our story opens with Nora, Irish Lass of Questionable History, and her crazy mixed up on-the-rocks husband and son coming with her to Ireland to see her grandma. I’m still not entirely sure why, mind you, I only know that Christopher Walken’s character had something to do with it. There’s a lot of exposition given in murky mumble-voice by the precocious girl-child who knows more than anyone in the movie (no, really) about what’s going on, but only doles it out after it’s been necessary for people to know for quite some time, thank you. Why doesn’t she tell anyone? No one can say. Personally, I think the kid was in it for the kicks.

The movie plods along with a lot of crazy imagery and some pretty convincing moments of Grossly Dysfunctional Family Syndrome, along with the inevitable love triangle and the whole “She’s using you to gain a foothold into this world and in doing so is exchanging life forces with you” bits that you might expect from such stories. Russell T. Davies would later go on to use this precise plot hook in Torchwood, now that I think about it.

I admit, I called the ending of the film, point for point, about 20 minutes before it actually happened. And the “surprise twist” wasn’t a surprise so much as a relief. But there you have it.

Where I found it: Netflix. Where else?

How much I paid for it: I had a fever! And the only prescription! Was 95 minutes!

Points of interest: For being so unabashedly slow, the movie is remarkably internally consistent. I saw very few continuity issues, and even though at times I was confused about who had just done what and why it was so important, it was easily brought back in to focus for me by the following scene. Also, some interestingly low-key performance from Walken in this.

The Money Shot: Creepy Uncle Walken getting his throat slit by Nora’s Peat Bog Zombie Clone.

Related Links:
Dead Ringer
Torchwood
This movie needs more cow bell.