Alternate Title: The Wicker Man Swedish Edition
IMDB link: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0378417/
Starring: Chidi from The Good Place
Review:
I have now seen two movies by Ari Aster. I did not like the first one, and I don’t like this one either.
The first half-hour is basically playing all the stereotype cards:
1. The main character’s boyfriend is a selfish, indecisive prick who wants to dump her but can’t find the backbone to do it.
2. Boyfriend and his bros like recreational drugs.
3. The main character has a bipolar sister that is not responding to messages. Neither are her parents.
4. Bipolar sister kills herself in a ridiculously over the top way and takes her parents with her.
Of course, the boyfriend doesn’t grow a backbone. THEN main character finds out he’s been planning to go to Sweden with his bros in like 2 weeks and didn’t tell her. How does he deal with this crisis? HE INVITES HER TO GO WITH THEM. The tells his bros he invited her, she accepted but she couldn’t possibly really want. But could they say THEY wanted to invite her when she arrives in 2 minutes? Kthanxbye
The horror so far is that this is some of the most realistic writing in the whole movie.
Once they get there, shit gets weird and it’s basically just Wicker Man in Swedish. (More the new one than the old one.) Something, something fertility, incest, drugs r bad, and people die.
OH yeah, if you’ve seen the trailer you’re probably thinking “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BEAR???”
The bear isn’t seen again until the end. The bear IS the wicker man in this story. Honestly, you might want to put this on and fast forward until 30 minutes from the end. Just to see all the real craziness and watch a man in a bear “suit” get set on fire.
Where I found it: Amazon Prime
How much I paid for it: Practically 2.5 hours that could have been spent laughing at Nick Cage.
The Money Shot: There was so much foreshadowing nothing surprised me… except when we find the dude with his lungs pulled out of his chest in the chicken coop. Because it’s the execution technique from Viking sagas called the blood eagle. His lungs are the wings. So he’s a bird. Chickens are birds. This all makes perfect sense if you think about it.
I laughed.
Shut up.
My Favorite Line: Nothing topped the bear line from the commercial.
Related Links:
The Wicker Man (1973)
The Wicker Man (2006)
Blood Eagles
I love bad movies. LOVE them. I have several definitions of bad, but it all comes down to “bad on purpose” and “bad by accident”.
I will watch it if:
it can be described as science fiction, fantasy, or horror (Sometimes I will watch action comedy but these are less likely.)
it is described as a mystery or thriller and a serial killer is mentioned in the description.
it has less than three stars on Netflix
the cast includes Ron Perlman, Rutger Hauer, Henry Rollins, Bill Mosely, Bruce Campbell, Clancy Brown or Malcolm McDowell
Lovecraft, Cthulu or Dragons are mentioned in the title, tag line or box art.
- Midsommar - January 28, 2020
- Slender Man - March 4, 2019
- The Unnamable - March 2, 2019