IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0363276/
Starring: Starring Jessica Biel, the kid zombie from Cabin in the Woods and a Lance Henriksen Clone.
Review in a nutshell: Ok, this movie? This movie here? Let me spoil it for you. Whoever told ME this was a supernatural thriller LIED. It is not exactly a crazy cult movie, but you could argue that it was. It’s not a human sacrifice movie. There is no coven of witches gifting kids to the devil… This movie is about classism, plain and simple. Rich people stealing poor people’s children to give them “better lives” and letting those uneducated yokels think a ghost did it. Cause gosh darn those dumb hicks can’t possibly love their kids.
It’s not boring… mostly because it keeps switching gears. My first thought after the opening credits was “Disjointed much?” And on that, it did not disappoint. It continued to be a disjointed mess. There were so many “wait.. what?” moments I eventually stopped being surprised. It went like this: Oh now she’s in on it too? Sure, why not.
And it had 47 endings. Nothing was left to the imagination. NOTHING. Every time I expected credits to roll it went on for a few more minutes to make sure it explained the plot fully. Yet is also wanted to leave you asking questions about whether or not the star of the movie was a good or bad person. See? Disjointed. “Here have lots of information to leave you wondering what the point of our movie is.”
Where I found it: Netflix
How much I paid for it: 106 minutes.. but it felt longer
Points of interest: When I first saw the description of this movie I thought someone was cashing in on the Slender Man story. I was wrong. That’s a Clive Owen movie. Maybe. Watch for that review soon.
The Money Shot: The money shot is always the moment that makes any movie, even the worst ones, “worth it.” For all it’s exposition, this movie does not have one.
Cabin in the Woods
The zombie kid from Cabin in the Woods
Some guy that isn’t Lance Henriksen
The Slender Man
Another possible Slender Man movie.
- Midsommar - January 28, 2020
- Slender Man - March 4, 2019
- The Unnamable - March 2, 2019
This movie was marketed so poorly. Definitely not a horror movie.
Side note. I really enjoy your posts but I don’t see an option anywhere on your site to subscribe or follow. If there is one and I’m just missing it, please let me know.
First off, all your comments made my week. Seriously.
Sadly I’m behind on maintaining this site, the best have is a Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/IWatchedItOnPurpose) announcing posts right now. This is a labor of “love” and I’ve been putting my money making sites first lately. Stupid bills and money getting in the way of a necessary public service. 😉
One of my guest reviewers (Jim) is impatiently waiting for me to start writing again. I’ve also got two reviews from him in the queue I need to format.